Yearnin'

I decided today that I want to make a lot of money. This may be shallow, but that's just fine by me. I want enough money to have a big family and afford it. I don't know what my childhood or life would look like without all my brothers and sisters. My parents have certainly paid for having such a number of children with lots of hard work. So ya...I wanna work really hard and make enough money to have a family that doesn't want. My suite mate has a pretty cool view too. He wants to make enough money to fund his own missionary operation. I think that's awesome. I think God gave us money as a tool. If you aren't attached to your money, then there is no problem with wanting a bigger tool.

I discovered my English teacher is an alcoholic yesterday. This is only my hypothesis...but I feel like I am usually right. A couple of months ago he mentioned that his grandfather was an alcoholic and said alcoholism was hereditary. That didn't sell me, but yesterday he stopped in his lecture and started talking about confessional poetry. He talked about how it is therapeutic for some to get things out in the open to strangers. That's when I realized that's what he does when he comes to class. The little off subject stories he tells are him using the class as his medium of confession. This and other factors have convinced me he is a current or recovering alcoholic. 

The most interesting thing he has said in class is about the draft. He doesn't think the draft will come back because of women. He's right. The draft was pre women's rights movement. If they brought it back now then technically women should have just as much of a right to be drafted as men. There would be uproar over this. It will never come back. It's ironic when you dwell on it...

Today was one of the worst days I've had in quite a while. It did not feel lonely but rather was filled with sadness, coldness, and darkness. It reminded me why I am attached to blues music so much. It doesn't pick you up. It relates. Everyone is searching for a relation with another human, and blues music relates on a deep level saying "hey I've gone through rough times too." 

You fell down of course
and then you got up of course
and you started over
forgot my name of course
then you started to remember
pretty tough to think about
the beginning of december
pretty tough to think about